The Wizards of South Park
by TheStepBrothers
Summary: The students of South Park, are attending Hogwarts I do not own South Park or Harry Potter.
1. We're Wizards

Clutching the letter tightly in his hands, Leopold Stotch's eyes grew as large as dinner plates.

"I-I can't believe it, I'm a wizard."

Nothing good ever happened to Leopold, he was the main target for bullies, and not to mention, his parents were overly strict, and his father grounded him every chance he got.

"I don't believe it, I really don't believe it."

Thoughts flooded his mind. There was no way he could be a wizard, this HAD to be a joke, right?

As it would turn out, this was no joke, Leopold Stotch, was in fact, a wizard.

* * *

"Do you have your stuff ready Poopsykins?"

Eric Cartman groaned.

"Yes Mom."

"Good! I don't want my little angel to be suffering at Hogwarts."

Eric's mother reached over, and ruffled his hair, causing him to clench his teeth to supress a groan.

He was eleven now, practically a man, when would she stop treating him like such a child?

* * *

"Got everything you need Stan?!"

"Yep Dad!" Stan Marsh yelled, throwing his suitcase in the back of the truck.

Here he was, prepared to start his first day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy.

"You know Stan, your sister was in Slytherin, and your mother was in Ravenclaw, I'm a muggle, so I didn't go to Hogwarts, which house do you think you'll be placed in?" his dad asked, as he drove to the train station.

Stan shrugged.

"I don't know, I'm hoping I don't get placed in Slytherin though, having to live with Shelly during the summer is bad enough, I don't even want to think about sharing a common room with her."

His dad let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah, I can see that."

He then pulled up to the train station.

"Well, we're here, see you at Christmas!"

Stan took a deep breath, grabbed his suitcase, and made his way to platform nine and three quarters.

* * *

"I can't believe it! My little bubbe is starting Hogwarts!"

"It's okay Mom, you don't have to cry, I'll be fine," Kyle Broflovski said, blushing slightly, hoping that no one was paying attention this is hysterically crying mother.

"He's right Sheila, you and I both made it through Hogwarts without so much as a stratch," Kyle's dad said, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Just like a light switch being turned off, Sheila's water works stopped. She stood up straight, and smoothed out her skirt.

"Now then, you better be off, and remember, to follow the rules, and pass all your classes."

"I will Mom, I promise!" Kyle exclaimed, running through the wall before his mother could hassle him more.

* * *

"Look Stuart! Kenny's going to be a wizard!" Kenny McCormick's mom exclaimed, waving around a piece of paper, which was Kenny's letter to Hogwarts.

"Wow, think he can magic up some money for us?" Stuart said.

"Oh that'd be fantastic! Then we can buy two bottles of vodka instead of just one!"

From his bedroom, Kenny sighed. He was glad that he was getting way from this hell hole.

However, a thought lingered in his brain, what would he do about Karen?


	2. The Train Ride

As Leopold clambered onto the bus, he lost his footing, falling to the ground, and watching helplessly as his books went sliding down the aisle of the train.

One of them came to a thudding stop against the shoe of another student.

Leopold looked up, and found himself staring at an overweight boy with short brown hair.

"Gee, t-thanks for stopping m-my book," he stammered, picking himself up off the ground.

"Who are you?" the boy barked, narrowing his light blue eyes at him.

"Uh, Leopold Stotch, but everyone calls me Butters!"

Butters jumped, feeling a bit afraid of the boy's blunt tone. It was almost as if he was back at home with his strict father.

"Hm," the boy stroked his chin, "Stotch, Stotch, I don't recall knowing any magical families named Stotch."

"Well, m-my family aren't magical."

The boy's face went from skeptical, to an outright glare.

"So, you're a mudblood huh? Go to the front of the train!"  
With that, the hefty boy launched Butters, and all of his belongings towards the front, leaving the boy feeling completely flabbergasted.

* * *

Eric Cartman shook his head. He couldn't believe that he had just met his first mudblood. He had heard about them, they were filthy liars, all of them. They took magic from people born into magical families, causing them to be squibs. He didn't think it was fair. His mother was a squib, and if it wasn't for those mudbloods, she would have been a witch!

I am going to make sure he is miserable at Hogwarts, him, and every other mudblood at that school!

He vowed, clutching his hands into fists so tightly, that he could feel a small stream of blood run down his wrists.

"Would you like something from the trolley dear?" asked a short witch, bringing a cart full of various sweets towards Eric.

Eric unclenched his fists, and his stomach let out a loud rumble.

"Give me everything you got!"

* * *

Stan Marsh stared out the window and sighed. It wouldn't be long now until he reached Hogwarts. He was feeling both nervous, and excited to go there.

He was also dreading it a bit.

What if he got sorted into Slytherin? The months he spent without Shelly, were some of the best months of his life.

"Um, excuse me, but is anyone sitting here? I was a little late getting on, and the only spot open is by this rude fat boy who keeps telling me to go to the front of the bus."

Stan turned his head from the window, and towards the voice. It belonged to a scampy looking boy with messy dirty blond hair.

"Sure, you must be talking about Eric Cartman," Stan sighed. He knew all about Eric Cartman. He thought that he was better than everyone else, and that muggle born wizards didn't deserve to be wizards. He would be in Slytherin for sure.

"I think that's what he said his name was, I'm Kenny McCormick by the way," the boy said, taking a seat across from Stan.

"I'm Stan Mar-" Stan started to say, when he saw the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life. She had long, waist length black hair, perfectly smooth pale skin, and eyes that reminded him of molten gold.

"Damn, check out the knockers on that girl!" Kenny exclaimed.

He was talking about the other girl, the blonde beside the beautiful girl. Stan barely even noticed her, he was too fixated on the girl whom he knew would be his soul mate.

He was starting to feel even more excited about going to Hogwarts, he just hoped that he'd be sorted into her house.

* * *

Kyle Broflovski was sitting in his chair, minding his own buisness, just reading a book to prepare for when he arrived at Hogwarts, when his book was snatched from him.

"Hey!"

He jumped up, and turned to face his assailant, a fat boy with brown hair.

"Give that back, who do you think you are?"

"I'm Eric Cartman, and I know who you are Kyle Broflovski, your parents are two of the most powerful Slytherins that the world has ever seen."

Eric cleared his throat, and sat down beside Kyle, knocking the other boy who was sitting there, onto the floor, causing him to burst into tears.

"That wasn't very nice," Kyle frowned.

"Don't care, I have a business proposition for you," Eric said, sitting down in the seat, smushing Kyle against the window with his large form.

"A business proposition?" asked Kyle, with his brow raised.

"Yes, I was thinking we could join forces, and get rid of all the muggle borns at Hogwarts."

"And why would I want to do that?"

Kyle had nothing against muggle borns, or muggles themselves, he believed to them to be no worse than a witch or a wizard.

"Because!" Eric scoffed, "They're taking magic from proper witches and wizards, they must be stopped!"

"Um, I think your logic is flawed, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to help you take out innocent people."

Eric jumped up with a glare.

"You're going to live to regret this!"

* * *

"So, you're a muggle born huh? What's that like, being born in a non-magical family? I mean, how did you live?"

Kenny stared at the smoking hot blonde sitting beside him, he couldn't believe that she had chosen to sit there.

Another girl was sitting with them too, a black haired girl, and from the look on Stan's face when he looked at her, Kenny could tell that his new friend had the serious hots for her.

"Oh you know, it was difficult, but I scraped by," Kenny chuckled, slinging his arm around the blonde's shoulders.

"I was born into a pureblood family, so was Wendy, we were practically raised together."

Kenny had to keep himself from sighing, there was that term again, "pureblood" the good thing was, she didn't seem to hate muggleborns like Eric Cartman did.

"So, what houses are you guys hoping to get into?" Wendy asked, "I'm hoping to get into Ravenclaw."

"My mom was in Ravenclaw!" Stan exclaimed.

"Mine too, both my parents were," Wendy smiled.

"I have no idea, I don't know anything about the houses, I literally only found out I was a wizard like a month ago," Kenny replied honestly. He knew it probably made him look uncool in front of the blonde, but he didn't care, he was too curious about the other houses.

"Well, there's Ravenclaw, they are for the intelligent and creative people, their colours are blue and bronze, and their animal is an eagle," Wendy said.

Kenny raised his brow, and narrowed his eyes.

"An eagle? Why not a ravenclaw, I mean, RAVEN claw, and ravens are known for being intelligent birds."

"The colour of an eagle's claws are black, hence, raven claw, the colour black, not the bird, is what was meant by raven," Wendy said.

"Oh, I thought it was because Rowena Ravenclaw's daughter fled to a place called The Land of Eagles, that story was so tragic!" the blonde exclaimed, before bursting into tears.

Feeling a bit awkward, Kenny scooted a little bit away from the girl, he did not do well with emotion. He just hoped that wouldn't ruin his chances of getting to know her a little bit more.


	3. The Sortings

When they arrived at the school, Butters was frozen in shocked amazement. It was marvelous!

"First years this way!" called an extremely tall man, with a big bushy beard.

Oh gee, I can't believe this is actually happening! Butters thought to himself, knocking his knuckles together.

He followed the large man, and the other first years, to a lake.

The ride to the castle was short, and uneventful, he was glad though, that he wasn't having to share a boat with Eric Cartman.

When Butters stepped off the boat, and into the castle, his breath was once again taken away by the sheer sight of it.

The portraits along the walls were moving, and there were a few ghosts floating around.

Under any other circumstances, the sight of a ghost would have sent Butters running for the hills.

However, in this case, he didn't feel afraid, he didn't feel afraid at all.

* * *

"Come along first years, to the Great Hall!"

As soon as Eric stepped into the Great Hall, his mouth began to water as delicious smells of various foods wafted to his nose.

There was fried chicken, pumpkin pie, and even pancakes, though it was not morning.

"When are we going to eat?" he blurted out.

The adult witch who had been leading them to the Great Hall, Professor McGonagall, cast a glare in his direction through her glasses.

"After you're sorted, you will join your house table, and then the feast will commence."

Eric let out a groan of protest, he wanted to eat, and he wanted to eat now.

"What is your name young man?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"Eric Cartman," Eric said proudly. He may not have been from a very well known family, but he knew that after less than a year of attending Hogwarts, everyone would know his name.

* * *

Wow, I can't believe it's actually time. Stan thought to himself, as Professor McGonagall brought out a scrappy looking old hat.

He snuck a glance over at Wendy, he really hoped he got sorted into the same house as her.

The hat begun to sing a song, and when he was finished, the room erupted into boughts of cheers.

"That is enough," Professor McGonagall said, silencing the crowd. "Now, it is time for the sorting to begin, Black, Token!"

A dark skinned boy of medium height stepped up to the stool, and the hat was placed on his head.

A few minutes later, the hat shouted out.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Everyone from the Gryffindor table started cheering, and Token ran off to go join their table.

"Broflovski, Kyle!"

A boy with a red afro walked up to the stool, and once again, the hat was placed on his head.

Stan was surprised it managed to stay on there though, his hair was massive.

"RAVENCLAW!"

Just like everyone at the Gryffindor had done when they recieved a new member, the Ravenclaw table started cheering.

"Cartman, Eric!"

Right away, the hat shouted.

"SLYTHERIN!"

No surprise there, Stan thought.

"Donovan, Clyde!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Marsh, Stan!"

Stan's heart thudded harder and harder in his chest with each step he took to the stage.

He felt like he was going to puke, when the hat was placed on his head.

"Hmm," the hat spoke, causing Stan to jump slightly.

"I remember sorting your sister a few years ago, Slytherin I think it was, but you don't seem the Slytherin type."

Stan let out a sigh or relief, at least he wasn't going to be put in Slytherin.

"I think I know the perfect house for you.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

With a grin, Stan jumped up, and rushed towards his table, where he was greeted with warm smiles, and even a few hugs.

* * *

Kyle sat at the Ravenclaw table feeling a bit dumbfounded, for generations, his family had been sorted into Slytherin, but here he was, a Ravenclaw.

He hoped that his parents wouldn't be too disappointed in him.

"McCormick, Kenny!"

He turned his attention back to the sortings

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Stevens, Bebe!"

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Testaburger, Wendy!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

Wendy hopped off the chair, and went over to the Ravenclaw table.

"Hey," Kyle greeted her, when she took the seat beside his.

"Hey," she said with a light smile, before turning her attention back to the sortings.

"Tucker, Craig!"

A tall boy with black hair walked up to the stage. After what seemed like hours, the hat finally yelled out.

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Hey," Kyle greeted him, just like he had done with Wendy.

To his utter surprise and appallment, the boy flipped him off, he actually flipped him off.

Kyle glared at the boy, before turning his attention back to the sortings. He wasn't sure if he was going to like his new house mate.

* * *

When the sorting was over, Kenny wasted no time digging into the food that was sitting in front of him. The food on his plate was more than he got got in a year, it was amazing!

He had been a little disappointed that he wasn't sorted into the same house as Bebe, or his new friend Stan, but the sight of the food was enough to lift his spirits immensely.

"Slow down or you'll get sick."

Kenny stopped mid-bite, and lowered his chicken leg.

"Hey, you're Token Black, right?" asked Clyde Donovan, a boy who was sitting beside Kenny.

"Yeah, why?" Token asked.

"You're not related to Sirius Black are you?" he asked in a low whisper.

"Who's Sirius Black?" Kenny asked.

Clyde stared at him like he had three heads.

"You don't know who Sirius Black is? He's only one of the most dangerous wizards in the world after you know who, he's been locked in Azkaban for almost a decade now!"

"You know who?" Kenny asked, feeling totally confused, it was hard being a muggle born with little to no information about the wizarding world.

"Maybe it's better if you don't know, and to answer your question Clyde, I'm not related to Sirius Black, Black is a very common last name," Token said.

"Okay, good."

With that, the boys went back to enjoying their meal.

As Kenny was eating, he couldn't help but to think about who, you know who, was, and just how dangerous was he?


	4. Classes

"Loo loo loo, I've got some apples, loo loo loo, you've got some too!" sang Butters, as he skipped to his first class of the day, which was Defence Against the Dark Arts.

"It's jolly good to see you Butters, would you care to take a seat next to me?" Pip, one of his dormmates, asked patting the empty desk beside his.

For some reason, no one wanted to be near Pip. Butters couldn't understand why though, he seemed like a really nice guy.

"Man, I sure am glad the Slytherins aren't in this class with us," said a Ravenclaw boy from in front of Butters.

Butters had to agree, he liked the idea of not having to see Eric Cartman first thing in the morning.

"Attention class!" a loud, crisp voice rang out. Immediately, everyone turned to the front.

"I am your teacher, Professor Frogspoon, and today, we are going to be learning about gnomes."

A series of groans sounded around the classroom.

"When are we going to learn cool spells?" a boy called.

"Soon, but today, we are learning about gnomes, now, who can tell me what a gnome is."

A girl with long black hair, who was sitting in the very front row, raised her hand.

"Yes Ms Testaburger?"

"A gnome is a small creature, that are found in northern Europe and North America, they are garden pests."

"Very good! Five points to Ravenclaw!"

By the end of class, Butters found himself knowing more about gnomes than he ever wanted to know. He was glad that he didn't have a garden, even though they were small, and not particularly dangerous, they sounded like a nightmare.

* * *

Eric Cartman walked into the Potions classroom with his chest out, and a smirk on his face. His head of house was the teacher of this class, he was going to breeze through it.

"Everyone in your seats," said a cold voice, as a tall, pale man with long black hair, and a hooked nose, glided into the classroom.

"My name is Professor Snape, and there will be no tomfoolery in this classroom, anyone caught acting out, or answering out of turn, will lose ten house points."

Eric let out a slight snort, because those rules didn't apply to him, right?

"Do you have something you want to share Mr Cartman?"

"Nope, actually, I did see something," he pointed at Kenny McCormick, this poor Gryffindor mudblood that happened to be sitting next to him, "This mu-, I mean, this student was talking about how he was going to brew a stink potion."

"I did not!" protested Kenny, practically jumping out of his desk.

"That is enough!" barked Professor Snape.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for your outburst McCormick."

Cartman smirked.

"And ten points from Slytherin for lying to get another student in trouble!"

"Whaaa?" Cartman's mouth dropped open, was his Head of House really taking points from his own house?

It just didn't make any sense!

He growled and clenched his fist under his desk, he would get Professor Snape back, no one made him look like a fool!

* * *

"Hey Stan!" called Kenny McCormick as he walked into the green house.

"Hey Kenny, how has your first day been so far?" asked Stan.

"It was great, other than Eric Cartman trying to get me in trouble, and I also lost Gryffindor ten house points."

"Ugh, he's a nightmare, I'm just glad that I haven't had a class with him yet! Though," Stan could feel his face heat up, and he was sure that if he were to look in the mirror, he would be as red as a tomato, "Though, Wendy was in my first class with me."

He was still a bit upset that he wasn't sorted into the same house as her, but at least he had some classes with her.

"Hello class, I am Professor Sprout," said a short, portly woman, jumping out from behind a bush.

"While I find your conversations enlightening, it is time to begin class, today, we are going to be learning about Puffapods."

"Puffawhats?" Stan asked.

"Puff Daddy's house?" Kenny shrugged.

A lot of students looked confused, however, being born to a muggle father, Stan knew exactly what his new friend was talking about; he laughed.

"That is enough boys, pay attention!" exclaimed Professor Sprout.

Try as he might, Stan could not pay attention, his mind kept drifting to how a lot of the pureblood students didn't know who Puff Daddy was, and they thought muggle-borns were the unfortunate ones.

* * *

Kyle still couldn't figure out his new housemate, Craig Tucker. No matter what he did, or what he said, the other boy would flip him off.

He wondered if it could have been because of his family's reputation, being Slytherins and all.

"Oh man, I have been waiting for this moment ever since breakfast!"

Kyle turned around, and found himself looking at a Gryffindor with dirty blond hair.

"Hey, you're Kenny McCormick right?" he asked, recognising him from yesterday's sorting.

The Gryffindor nodded.

"You have a good memory!"

"Thanks!"

Kyle felt a bit disappointed that he had to sit at his house table for lunch, he was already getting along better with Kenny, in just a few short words, than he has with his other housemates. Though, Wendy wasn't so bad, she did seem a little bit miffed that he had answered a question right in History of Magic, that she had gotten wrong.

He glanced over at her, she was already sitting down, chatting up a storm with Gregory Yardale, this pompous know-it-all, whom Kyle didn't care to get to know.

"Well, I'm hungry, so I'm going to go eat," said Kenny.

"Okay," said Kyle, and he sat down in the only empty seat, which happened to be next to Craig Tucker.

* * *

"So, are you guys going to try out for Quidditch?" asked Kenny, as he munched happily on a lobster roll.

In his last free period, he read all about Quidditch, it seemed like an extremely interesting game.

"Next year, I heard first years aren't allowed to play Quidditch or something," said Clyde.

"I heard it's just seekers," said Token.

"I think I'd be a great seeker, I'm wiry, and I'm fast, not to mention, I have pretty good eyes," said Kenny.

Token snorted, and dunked a fry into some mayo.

"I plan on being seeker, so you better just prepare to be second string."

"Well, while you guys fight to be seeker, I'm going to be a beater, I heard the ladies love a strong man," said Clyde, flexing his muscles.

"Maybe, but the seekers get all the glory," said Kenny, imagining a swarm of ladies surrounding him when he caught the golden snitch.

"And all the pressure," Clyde laughed.

"Ahhh pressure!" a weird looking short creature, with large ears, and big eyes, suddenly screamed, dropping the stack of plates that he was holding.

"Come along Tweek, wait for the students to finish eating before you leave the kitchens!" said Professor McGonagall, ushering the strange creature away.

"What was that thing?" asked Kenny, still staring at the space where the creature had been.

"Oh, it's a house elf, they help out in the kitchens, they're also used as servants, my parents have a few that help them around the house," said Token.

"Cool," said Kenny with a slight smile.

He then went back to eating, dreading the time when lunch would be over.


End file.
